As I'm traveling upside down...

 

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Life Song - The Black Angels

Floating through the darkness
Awaiting on transmission
Drifting on a mission alone
Wine will pour, my dear
When I get back, my dear

Streaming through creation
Trying to catch a laughter
Blinded by the darkness
Alone and so it goes
My bitter heart can't figure
The distance in between
Six trillion miles away, dear
The evening swallowed me

How can I explain
With no voice
With no chance
As I'm traveling upside down
Into a world of the unknown?

Artificial henchmen
A sacrificial name
I'm on this one-way mission lost
Exploding into stars
I am through, now I'm on the other side

I'm dying to say
I love you anyway
Even though you sent me off to die

I'm dying, I'm dying
I am yours
Warning from the other side

How can I explain
With no voice
With no chance
As I'm traveling upside down
Into a world of the unknown?

How can I explain
With no hope
With no chance
As I'm traveling upside down
Into a world of the unknown?

How can I explain
That I'm dying today?
I'm dying, I'm dying
I'm dying to say
I am you!

I'll see you on the other side…

My son, Griffin, died last week. He was 10 and was missing a front leg from birth. He had permanent halitosis and musculoskeletal challenges, but he never complained. He only required continual love and attention. Which was easy because he was the sweetest, most unique, most charismatic boy I’ve ever known.

Despite his chronic arthritis, his swaybacked spine, his single front paw (which I called his hoof)... Despite the incessant wear-and-tear on that one disproportionate, puny, front leg... he smiled all day long. This was my lifelong prayer for him—for no harm to ever be brought upon that one appendage, on which his quality of life depended. Thanks be to all the Gods who protected him.

He was excited to meet other dogs we passed during walks, and squirrels he would never catch. He especially loved foods. He loved all the humans, proving it with hot smelly licks on their faces, inclined to curl up next to a houseguest he'd just met. He loved his sister, Samus, very much—who we can tell misses the warm and comforting presence of Griffin. But he especially loved his mom and his dad.

Griffin started to slow down on long walks. I trusted Samus to lead us home off-leash, whilst I carried his bulky, 80-pound frame along the path behind her. I would do anything to mitigate his discomfort. As would his mother, my ex-wife. We shared the custody and love of this strange and beautiful creature, because he was our son. And he brought us untold joy. Consequently he was treated like a prince, whose adoring servant would carry him the length of a football field, and then give him a treat.

On the day he died, I had to hold him upside down on the veterinarian x-ray bed. Griffin hated being upside down—this unknown disorientation—thrashing against the technicians in the radiation room. I told the staff I didn’t mind absorbing some gamma rays for the sake of Griffin. So I held his head and stroked his barrel chest, assuring him, "It's OK, buddy," until I could feel his heartbeat calm down a little. At that moment, I had no idea this would be Griff’s last day on earth. As I’m traveling upside down, into a world of the unknown…

They found a cancerous mass at the base of his heart, occluding his trachea and causing him to gag and cough. It had already spread elsewhere, leading to severe edema in his rear legs. In the end, there was no option, no viable solution. We had to give him an injection and sing him to sleep forever.

Physics proves that our energy is never destroyed. I like to think of energy as dispersed consciousness—in which case there is no loss that is forever. One way or another, we will all intermingle in time. I am you! ...As a dog though, Griffin had no voice, no chance to say goodbye.

Oh my Sweet Boi with your oversized, velvety, bat-like ears...

I’ll see you on the other side...